Tips for parents when athletes get emotional

Parenting in sport is one of the hardest jobs there is!

You want your child to do well, to reach their potential, and to enjoy what they do. But navigating the ups and downs of sport as a parent can be tough. One moment you’re celebrating a win, the next you’re helping them through disappointment.

For a developing child, emotions are hard enough to figure out, so as a parent this becomes a difficult space to be in. And let’s face it, nobody teaches you the skills to help your child through this.

The first thing to know, is that it’s normal to not know what to do when your child is experiencing intense emotions in sport. Should I reassure them? Should I leave them? Should I give them a hug? Should I have a deep conversation with them?

This uncertainty is hard.

Whether your child becomes frustrated from making lots of mistakes, upset about losing or disappointed about not reaching a specific target, these are difficult situations to be in as a parent.

Whilst providing advice to athletes comes from the best place, it is not always what the athlete wants or needs to hear. “You’re such a great player!” “Don’t’ worry, you’ll do better next time!” “Don’t take it so personally” – these types of phrases are so common, yet do we know how helpful it is to respond in this way?

Before we get into some tips around how to support athletes better, remember that there is no right way that works for all athletes. Each athlete has a different personality, belief system and coping style, therefore it’s important to understand specifically what your child needs from you. You may even have more than one child who plays sport who have different support needs.

Athletes will experience an array of emotions along their sporting journey, just as we all do in life. Emotions form the foundation of who we are, they are part of our make-up. In sport, they tend to demonstrate that the athlete is passionate about succeeding. Most people typically view emotions as ‘good’ and ‘bad.’ However, using these labels is not helpful, as we spend a lot of energy trying to get rid of emotions, when really what we need to do is find a way of responding differently. Because let’s face it our emotions are not going to disappear to never return again.   

So, how can you best support your athlete when emotions run high? Here are a few strategies that can make those moments a little easier for you both.

Tip #1 – speak to your child about what support they need

This might feel like an uncomfortable conversation. You might think that your child won’t be able to tell you what they need. A useful starting point is to ask your athlete what’s helpful when you feel upset/ annoyed? This conversation is best placed at a time when your athlete is feeling calm, rather than immediately after a frustrating event. You could refer back to specific incidents and ask what they would like you to do in those moments. If they are not sure at first, ask them again later on. The more open you are with your child, the easier it will be to adapt to different situations so you know when they simply need a hug, need you to give them space or need you to reassure them. 

Tip #2 – simply show your athlete you are there

This might sound obvious, but it’s not always easy to do. As a parent, it’s instinctive to want to rush in and fix everything when you see your child is upset. When emotions are high, it’s likely that your athlete will need time to process how they are feeling. Telling your athlete that you are there for them is one thing, but they need proof that it’s ok to express how they feel in your presence. When you show this through actions e.g. giving them space until they are ready to talk about it, not pushing the matter forcefully or simply sitting with them whilst they process their emotions. 

Tip #3 – be more empathetic

You might think that this seems quite obvious. And there is no doubt that you will already be showing empathy as a parent. But as mentioned already, dealing with your child’s emotions in sport is hard and it’s very easy to fall into the trap of focusing on how you would respond to this situation rather than understanding it from your child’s point of view. Being empathetic, requires listening to the words that your child has used to describe their experience and repeating these back. This helps them to open up more so you can get a better understanding of what has led to them feeling this way. Once you’ve listened, help your child explore what they could do differently next time. How would they like to respond in similar situations, and what might get in the way?

Supporting a young athlete isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about being present, listening, and learning together. The more you can tune into what your child needs emotionally, the better equipped they’ll be to thrive not just in sport, but in life.

If you have tried the above and your child is still struggling, they may need more professional support. I work with athletes from age 12+ to navigate the emotional challenges of sport.

Book in a free consultation